What’s Your Dream?

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt


The other day I happened to catch the last part of an interview with the actress who plays Mrs. McCluskey, the feisty neighbor on Desperate Housewives. Her face was familiar to me although I didn’t know her name. I was about to change the channel when she said something that made me stop and listen. She mentioned that she began her acting career at age 42. The interviewer asked what prompted her to start acting “later in life.” The actress revealed that her dying mother had expressed painful regret about not following her dreams. Because of this, “Mrs. McCluskey” vowed to pursue her own dream of becoming a performer.

When the interview was over, I googled “Mrs. McCluskey” and found her real name: Kathryn Joosten. I also discovered that what I heard in the interview was just the tip of the iceberg of a very inspirational story. At the time Kathryn decided to pursue her dream, she was recently divorced and struggling to support 2 young sons. In order to make ends meet, she painted houses and hung wallpaper during the day. And to work toward her dream, she took acting classes and performed in community theater at night.

Eventually she got her first “big break”, a year-long role as a performer at Disney World, which meant relocating to Florida. Once that role ended, she did bartending and catering work to support herself while continuing to hone her acting skills. Kathryn realized she needed to raise the stakes in order to take her dream to the next level so she packed up a truck and drove to Hollywood. She arrived with no agent and no industry contacts but five months later landed her 1st part on a sit-com (2 lines on the show “Family Matters”). Everything snowballed from there. To date, she’s been featured in several plays, films and commercials as well as over 20 major television series, including: Scrubs, West Wing and Ally McBeal. She even won an Emmy for her performance in Desperate Housewives.

I believe there are several important lessons to be learned from Kathryn’s story. The main one is that it’s never too late to pursue your dreams. Personally, I’ve encountered a rare few who know what their dream is, let alone who are actively working toward it. Many people lock their dreams away, convinced they are out of reach. Others hang onto an old dream that doesn’t excite them anymore. How about you?

If you’re not clear about your dream and/or aren’t actively working toward it, it’s time to refine, here’s how…

The first step is to ask yourself, “What is my dream?” What is it that makes you feel alive? So much so that when you’re immersed in it your passion is ignited. Some of you know instantly what this is and can even visualize yourself doing it. If that’s you, fantastic! And if you’re proactively bringing your dream to life, that’s even better.

For those who aren’t sure of their dream or are in need of a new one, you’ll want to do some discovery work. To get started, spend some quiet time reflecting on what brings you joy. Think back to when you were a child, what activities made you happy? As you go through your day, begin to notice what “lights you up.” Keep gathering clues to bring your dream into focus.

Now let’s talk about a few “dream busters.” In my opinion, they are the primary reason so many dreams go unrealized. Here are a few to watch out for:

Too Busy

This is probably the number one reason given for not making progress on goals and dreams. Women especially have a tendency to put everyone else first. Consequently, their desires end up at the bottom of the list. You can ALWAYS choose to put someone or something ahead of your dreams but if you do, a part of you will remain unfulfilled. Now is the time to move your dream to the top of your priority list and to take action. Put it on your calendar, set a date with yourself, whatever it takes to remind you that working toward your dream is of the utmost importance.

Too Late

Think of how many people you know (maybe even yourself) who’ve said, “I’d love to do that but it’s just too late.” As we saw in Kathryn’s case, it’s never too late. This also brings to mind a client who was questioning whether or not to pursue a college degree. “I’ll be 30 by the time I finish!” He said horrified. “So you get to choose, you can be 30 with a college degree or 30 without one.” I replied. He decided to go for the degree, was thrilled when he achieved it and in the process discovered just how little age matters. Instead of being hung up on your age or wishing you’d started sooner, put your focus on what you CAN do going forward and you’ll be amazed by the progress you make.

Not _________ Enough

Another lesson to be learned from Kathryn’s story is that you don’t have to fit the stereotypical mold to succeed. Many people let self-limiting beliefs hold them back. They say things like, “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m not attractive enough” (educated, experienced or whatever enough, the list goes on and on). But Kathryn (and countless others) shatter this myth. By showing up at community theater Kathryn put one foot firmly on the path to her dream. And although she doesn’t have the “cookie cutter” actress look, still built an outstanding and lucrative career. If she had said to herself, “I’ll never make it because I don’t look like one of Charlie’s Angel’s”, she’d have no role on Desperate Housewives, no Emmy and no acting career period. So start recognizing and releasing any self-limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

Lack of Money / Resources

As we saw in Kathryn’s story, making your dream a reality often takes persistence, sacrifice and a “whatever it takes” attitude. When you’re fueled by passion it feels more like an inspired quest than an arduous struggle. The key is to keep your dream alive every step of the way and that doesn’t necessarily cost money. For example, if you dream of traveling to exotic places, rather than not thinking about it because you “can’t afford it”, use visual reminders and engage in activities that stoke your passion while you work toward it. A would-be traveler might use her computer screen saver as a visual reminder, study the language, learn how to cook cuisine of the region: various simple yet fun actions to stay connected to the dream. She might also think outside the box for ideas that involve travel. I know a woman who had a burning desire to travel but couldn’t afford to do it on her own dime so she signed up with a courier company (yes, there are companies that hire people to transport documents in exchange for a discounted airline ticket and it’s legit). Now I’m not saying being a courier is for everyone but I am saying that there are numerous ways to bring you closer to your dream so have fun brainstorming creative options.

After just seeing the movie “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”, a remarkable true story of a man who “dictated” his memoir by blinking one eye (the only part of him that wasn’t paralyzed by a stroke), I know that anything is possible no matter how implausible it seems. The strength of the human spirit is awe-inspiring and when it’s focused on a dream, it is unstoppable.

Let’s make 2008 the year of bringing dreams to life.

Until next time, keep refining!

Love, Melissa

Time to Refine Tips

1. Ask yourself, “What’s my dream?” If you have clarity and are actively working toward it, great! Keep going and determine additional steps you can take to amp it up.

2. If you aren’t sure what your dream is or are in need of a new one, spend time reflecting on what brings you joy. Think back to when you were a child, what activities made you happy? As you go through your day, begin to notice what lights you up. Keep gathering clues to help bring your dream into focus.

3. Instead of letting “dream busters” such as: “too busy”, “too late”, “not enough money” and self-limiting beliefs stop you, make your dream a priority and focus on what you CAN do right now. You’ll be amazed by the progress you make.

4. Keep your dream alive with visual reminders and activities that stoke your passion while you work toward it. Have fun brainstorming creative options to help you stay connected to your dream.

5. The strength of the human spirit is awe-inspiring and when it’s focused on a dream it is unstoppable. Let’s make 2008 the year of bringing dreams to life.

P.S. Here’s to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., someone who truly understood the power of a dream!

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