An Attitude of Gratitude

“In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.” ~Albert Clarke


I have to admit, when I was growing up Thanksgiving was never one of my favorite holidays. Don’t get me wrong, I love to eat and there is certainly an abundance of yummy foods that go along with this holiday, but to me it was usually too much of a good thing. It somehow went from family members savoring a delicious feast to stuffing themselves until they felt sick. And other than “saying grace” and complimenting the cook, gratitude seemed pretty scarce to me. But that changed when, during my teen years, my family moved from a suburban Phoenix neighborhood to Santa Monica.

Our beautiful tree lined street in Santa Monica was only a few blocks from Wilshire Blvd. and its many homeless. I was shocked to see people who had so little. It was an awakening that helped me realize how very fortunate I was. The first Thanksgiving in our new home provided a wonderful opportunity to help someone. As soon as we finished dinner I grabbed a container, filled it with as much delicious food as it would hold and ran out the door with my mom yelling after me, “Oh Missy, is that my good Tupperware? Be careful, come right back.”

I remember racing as fast as I could to Wilshire Blvd. so that the food would stay warm. Excitedly, I scanned the sidewalk searching for someone in need. And then I spotted him. I walked up to the man, handed him the container and simply said, “This is for you, happy Thanksgiving.” I’ll never forget the look of gratitude on his face as he took it and said, “Thank you.” I can recall the exhilaration as I ran home, feeling that I had experienced the true meaning of Thanksgiving. I was so grateful to be able to share my bounty and he was so grateful to receive – it made my heart sing!

Perhaps you’ve experienced a similar situation where you’ve done something kind and felt a surge of happiness. Well, there’s a scientific explanation for this. Researchers have found that mood elevators such as endorphins and dopamine are released when you do a good deed.

According to Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis and an authority on the study of gratitude, “Gratitude is literally one of the few things that can measurably change peoples’ lives. Grateful people experience higher levels of positive emotions such as joy, enthusiasm, love, happiness, and optimism.”

Positive psychology researchers have found that up to 40 percent of an individual’s happiness may come from conscious endeavors to cultivate it and gratitude is an integral part of the package. Building your “gratitude muscles” is similar to building your body’s muscles: in order to see results you need to work at it and in order to sustain the results you need to create a habit. And don’t be discouraged if you initially gravitate toward the negative. Professor Emmons says that human beings have a “negativity bias” and points out that “incoming emotions and thoughts are more likely to be unpleasant rather than pleasant.” Focusing on gratitude can counteract this tendency toward negativity and help tip the scales toward the positive.

So if you want to foster more gratitude in your life, it’s time to refine. Here’s how:

Create a “Gratitude Journal”

No matter who you are or what your situation, there is always something to be grateful for. It’s just a matter of consciously identifying these things. A wonderful way to do this is to create a “Gratitude Journal”. Before you go to sleep each night review the day and write down 3 – 5 things that stood out, no matter how small or seemingly inconsequential. It’s natural to include pleasant experiences but also remember to look in unexpected places, such as situations that might have been unpleasant in the moment. For example, my husband included “all my non-flat tire days and AAA towing service” in his gratitude journal on a day his car had a flat tire. Practicing this will teach you to become accustomed to looking for good even in trying situations.

Write a “Gratitude Letter”

We all have people who have touched our lives and these people are often unaware of the difference they’ve made. Think of someone you’re grateful for and write a heartfelt letter about what (s)he means to you. For extra impact, arrange to meet with her or him so you can read the letter in person. No matter how you relay the message, the recipient will be thrilled to receive it and you will experience the joy that comes with expressing gratitude. I know a woman who did this for her grandmother. And when her grandmother passed away unexpectedly a few months later, my friend experienced tremendous peace knowing that her grandmother had a chance to hear just how much she meant to her.

Practice mindfulness

In our fast paced world, it’s easy to get stuck in a “going through the motions” mode without taking time to truly experience life. So throughout the day, be mindful of your surroundings and appreciate whatever is happening in the moment. Pay attention to the beauty that is all around you; once you start to look you’ll see it everywhere! When you’re outside, look up at the sky, notice the trees, feel the cool breeze on your face. When you’re washing your hands, notice how the water feels as it touches your skin. At meals, take time to savor what you’re eating and be grateful for the complex process it took to bring the food to your table. Even the breath you just took is a miracle! Each moment of the day provides an opportunity to be grateful, so take time to notice.

Share your abundance

There’s nothing like helping those in need to make you realize how fortunate you are. Make a point to share your abundance with others. Abundance isn’t only financial wealth; there are 3 forms to consider: time, talent and treasure. Time and talent can be volunteered (and by the way, any ability that can be used to help others is a talent) ; treasure (money or goods) can be donated. By sharing your abundance, you improve the lives of others and experience the joy of giving, too.

So make this Thanksgiving a real celebration of gratitude. Whether it’s being grateful for your family and friends and truly savoring those connections throughout the day or serving meals at a homeless shelter, gratitude can transform Thanksgiving from an eating orgy into a celebration of blessings.

Until next time, keep refining!

Love,

Melissa

P.S. I am grateful for you; thank you for reading and happy Thanksgiving!


Time to Refine Tips

1. Create a “Gratitude Journal”

Before you go to sleep at night, review the day and write down 3 – 5 things that stood out, no matter how small or seemingly inconsequential. It’s natural to include pleasant experiences but also remember to look in unexpected places and see if you can find the blessing.

2. Write a “Gratitude Letter”

We all have people who have touched our lives and these people are often unaware of the difference they’ve made. Think of someone you’re grateful for and write a heartfelt letter about what (s)he means to you. For extra impact, arrange to meet with her or him so you can read the letter in person.

3. Practice mindfulness

Throughout the day, be mindful of your surroundings and appreciate whatever is happening in the moment. Pay attention to the beauty that is all around you. When you’re outside, look up at the sky, notice the trees, feel the cool breeze on your face. At meals, take time to savor what you’re eating and be grateful for the complex process it took to bring the food to your table. Each moment of the day provides an opportunity to be grateful, so take time to notice.

4. Share your abundance

There’s nothing like helping those in need to make you realize how fortunate you are. So share your abundance with others. Abundance isn’t only financial wealth; there are 3 forms to consider: time, talent and treasure. Time and talent can be volunteered and treasure (money or goods) can be donated. By sharing your abundance you improve the lives of others and experience the joy of giving, too!

5. Make Thanksgiving a celebration of gratitude

Whether it’s being grateful for your family and friends and truly savoring those connections throughout the day or serving meals at a homeless shelter, gratitude is what can transform Thanksgiving from an eating orgy into a celebration of blessings.


Sources:

Emmons, Robert A. Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. Houghton Mifflin, 2007.

Heilig, Steve. “In ‘Thanks!’ Robert Emmons explains why it’s good to be grateful.” San Francisco Chronicle. Aug. 19, 2007.

Price, Catherine. “Stumbling toward Gratitude.” Greater Good. Summer 2007.

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