Live Like You’re 75!

“The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.”
~Jean Paul


The other day I had a conversation with a wonderful woman in her mid-sixties. She mentioned that some of her peers had passed away recently and it was a wake-up call for her. She said it caused her to realize that the time is NOW to do the things she always wanted to do and to create the life she truly desires.

This realization can be attributed to what a recent article in the Los Angeles Times described as the “shrinking time horizons” that people face as they move into their later years. It’s the awareness that there is a limited amount of time ahead. You may find it hard to believe, but this actually increases happiness and contentment. It’s contrary to what we may think because aging is so often associated with declining health and diminishing physical capacities. But according to new studies, this really doesn’t matter so much once we are older. In fact, according to Dr. Peter Ubel, Director of the Center for Behavioral and Decision Sciences in Medicine at the University of Michigan, “The typical 75 year old is more satisfied and happier than the typical 25 year old.”

This is good news in more ways than one. First, it can help us have a less gloomy attitude toward aging. And second, we can benefit from the wisdom of our elders to better appreciate our lives right now. It often takes a shock such as the death of a loved one or serious illness to get people to realize that life is precious and fleeting. So the secret is to become aware of that RIGHT NOW, regardless of your age or circumstances. So if you want to be more happy and content, it’s time to refine. Here’s how…

A tool we use in coaching that simulates the shrinking time horizon is called “future self visualization.” It entails imagining yourself 20 years in the future and vividly seeing the life you’ve created: your work, your home, your appearance/demeanor and what matters most to you. It allows you to gain wisdom from your “future self”, who has had the benefit of 20 years additional life experience. A key question clients ask their future self is: “What do I need to know to get me from where I am now to where you are?”

Some pearls of wisdom I’ve heard from my clients’ future selves include: “Not taking life so seriously”, “Putting myself first”, “Not working so hard”, “Believing in myself more”, “Not putting off what I want to do” and “Not settling for less than I deserve.”

If you haven’t experienced the future self exercise, take some time to reflect on what kind of life you want to look back on in 20 years. What choices are you making today that are incompatible with that vision? What decisions can you make today that support your vision? The bottom line is, rather than pushing away thoughts about your own mortality or being fearful about it, use it to inspire you to create the life you truly want right now.

Another reason many people are increasingly content as they age is because they become less ruled by their emotions. They’re still able to experience emotions but they are more even keel and tend to take things less seriously. One study showed that older people were about 30% less reactive than younger people. It also pointed out that older people experience less negative emotion and their recovery time from it is much faster.

So take a cue from the older generation and practice taking things in stride. When you notice yourself becoming aggravated over a minor annoyance, instead of a knee jerk reaction, recognize how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of things and let it go. The goal is to experience events and situations without allowing them to be so emotionally disruptive and bounce back from negativity more quickly.

Speaking of emotions, take a look at your goals. Seniors tend to set goals that are “emotionally meaningful”, whereas young people tend to set materialistic goals. So rather than struggling and striving to garner accolades or possessions, focus on endeavors that will bring you joy and fulfillment. Make a point to carve out time for these life-enriching activities.

Elders are also much more discerning about how they spend their time and with whom they spend it. This is a direct result of the shrinking time awareness. They don’t want to waste their precious time on things or people they don’t enjoy – and neither do you! So start paying more attention to how you’re spending your time. Are you doing what you want to do? Are you spending time with people you like to be around? If not, start making new choices.

Lastly, it’s a good idea to practice being cheerful on a daily basis. According to neuropsycholgist Stacey Wood, the general disposition you have at 30 will be about the same as when you’re 70. Wouldn’t you rather be a cheery oldster than a cranky one? So smile now and chances are you’ll be smiling later, too.

Until next time, keep refining!

Love,

Melissa


Time to Refine Tips

1. Realize that life is precious and fleeting.
Rather than pushing away thoughts about your own mortality or being fearful about it, use it to help you create the life you truly want right now. Take some time to reflect on what kind of life you want to look back on in 20 years. What choices are you making today that are incompatible with that vision? What decisions can you make today that support your vision?

2. Start taking things in stride.
When you notice yourself becoming aggravated by a minor annoyance, instead of a knee jerk reaction, put it in perspective and let it go.

3. Pay attention to how and with whom you spend your time.
Are you doing what you want to do? Are you spending time with people you enjoy? If not, start making new choices.

4. Make a point to carve out time for life-enriching activities.
Instead of struggling and striving to garner accolades or material possessions, focus on endeavors that will bring you joy and fulfillment.

5. Practice being cheerful on a daily basis.
Since our general disposition tends to be consistent throughout life, smile now and chances are you’ll be smiling later, too.


Reference material: Los Angeles Times

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