Are You Marooned on "Someday I’ll"?

Time to Refine
The Life Refinery Newsletter
May 2007

Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. ~Mary Manin Morrissey


I have to smile when I read this month’s quote because it brings back memories of my parents’ plastic covered furniture. Growing up, it seemed so ridiculous to me that we had beautiful couches but couldn’t really enjoy them because my mom and dad wanted to “save them for a special occasion.” I vowed never to do that and thankfully ever since moving out on my own, I’ve kept my furniture plastic free. But I wasn’t completely immune to this mentality.

Until a few years ago, I displayed my crystal in a cabinet but rarely used it because I wanted to keep it “nice.” Then one day I happened to mention my “special occasion” crystal to an acquaintance who emphatically proclaimed, “That’s terrible! Beautiful things are meant to be used and enjoyed every day. What are you saving it for?” Wow, what a revelation and how right she was! It’s amazing how much beauty and enjoyment taking her advice has added to my life. It also made me realize that I had unwittingly adopted my own version of plastic covered furniture.

Crystal on display but unused may not seem as extreme as plastic covered furniture but it’s definitely a similar mentality and one that many people share. So wherever you are on the spectrum of “withholding behaviors” the common denominator is denying present enjoyment for some future occasion deemed worthy enough to warrant it.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to take care of your possessions but often at the root of withholding behaviors is a deep issue known as a “scarcity mentality.” This is a belief that there is not enough and it creates tightness around your material possessions, your money, your relationships and around life in general. Fear of not being safe or secure is the catalyst behind this mentality and it creates desperation to hang onto what you’ve got. It’s a slippery slope where enough is always just out of reach, no matter how much you have.

In addition to saving material things for “special occasions”, many people save themselves for someday. They say things like, “when I lose 20 pounds, then I’ll feel good” or “When I get a new job, then I’ll be happy.” In fact, many people are marooned on Someday I’ll.”**

Withholding oneself is often the result of a scarcity mentality. It’s the belief that you’re not enough as you are right now. So you put your life on hold until some point in the future when you feel you’ll be acceptable. Sadly, because this point is somewhere beyond where you currently are, you miss out on enjoying your life in the present moment.

Since this way of thinking is so widespread and can have such a negative impact, it’s important to ask yourself, “Is a scarcity mentality present in any area of my life?” If so, it’s time to refine. Here’s how…

Focus on creating an “abundance mentality.” An abundance mentality is the realization that there is plenty. Love, safety and security are the underlying beliefs. There is no fear of losing what you have because you trust there will always be enough. This keeps the energy around you, your material possessions, your money and your relationships flowing freely.

Here’s an exercise to help you develop an abundance mentality: when you find yourself gripped by feelings of not having or being enough, close your eyes, breathe deeply and repeat to yourself until you feel at peace, “I am safe, I am secure, I am loved, I am enough.” Practicing this over time will help you shift to an abundance mentality.***

Also, if you have material possessions that could bring more joy and beauty into your life on a daily basis but are saving them for a “special occasion”, start enjoying them right now.

And when you notice yourself thinking: “I’ll be happy when….”, “I’ll look good when…”, “I’ll feel good when”, ask yourself, “how can I be happy/look/feel my best where I am today?” Then take action on it. You are a “work in progress” committed to evolving AND it’s important to love and accept yourself, wherever you are in the process.

Rather than waiting for some “missing link” to your happiness to materialize, recognize that you are whole and complete right now, there is no missing link. So if you’re saving your good crystal or waiting to feel good until you lose weight or to be happy when you earn a certain amount of money, get a different job or find “Mr. Right”, it’s time to get off “Someday I’ll” and start living right now!

Until next time, keep refining!

Love,

Melissa


Time to Refine Tips

1. Is a scarcity mentality present in any area of your life? If so, practice creating an abundance mentality. When you find yourself gripped by feelings of not having or being enough, close your eyes, breathe deeply and say to yourself, “I am safe, I am secure, I am loved, I am enough.”

2. If you have material possessions that could bring more joy and beauty into your life on a daily basis but are saving them for a “special occasion”, start enjoying them right now.

3. When you notice yourself thinking: “I’ll be happy when….”, “I’ll look good when…”, “I’ll feel good when…”, ask yourself, “how can I be happy/look/feel my best where I am right now?” Then take action on it.

4. Realize that your personal evolution is a process not an event.
Instead of suspending happiness until some point in the future, find satisfaction wherever you are now, and all along the way. Rather than waiting for Mr. Right or some other missing link to your happiness to materialize, recognize that you are whole and complete right now, there is no missing link.

5. Remember, every day you’re alive is a special occasion so soak it up!



**In “The Psychology of Winning”, Dr. Denis Waitley calls it “the never land called Someday I’ll.” This is the book that started me on the personal growth path many years ago. Dr. Waitley is one of my heroes!

***This is my version of an exercise from Judith Parker Harris’ workbook, “Conquer Crisis with Health-Esteem.”

Labels: Uncategorized